In order to learn the students＇,we made a survey among 100 students in our school last week.Here are the results.Fifty—form percent of students want to﹗become business men.Twenty—eight percent of students want to become doctors,to save more sick people.Twelve percent of them want to became teachers,because they want to make some children learn more knowledge.Only six percent of people want to be.writers,reporters,policemen and so on. What do you want to be when you grow up？Me？Um…When I grow up,I want to be a writer,beacuse I love writing and it can boring me a loe of henppiness.
高一:李慧琪
写作思路解析
段落之间过渡精巧，依靠起伏有致的抑扬结合增强行文张力承接前后内容，观察视角细腻独到，善于发现常人容易忽视的细微变化，行文流畅不会割裂。段与段衔接自然，转折顺滑。整篇文章融为一体，结构均衡规整。
本文范文仅作写作思路参考，请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。
AI作文批改
作文打分：77分（满分100）
改进建议
梳理全文情绪变化脉络，情感转变层层铺垫，避免转折突兀。有意识变换句式，长短句交替，增强行文韵律感。
存在不足
不少段落开头缺少过渡引导，上下文跳转生硬。构思角度较为传统，缺少新颖独特的切入点。
作文优点
内容充实饱满，不存在空洞泛泛而谈的问题，每一处感悟都有对应的事例支撑，有理有据。
综合点评
文章整体行文流畅自然，选材贴近日常现实生活，能够围绕中心主题有序展开叙述，叙事节奏比较平稳。文中拥有多处细节描写，能够较好烘托场景氛围，情感表达真挚朴素，读者可以轻松读懂文章想要传递的思想，整体结构完整，可读性较强。