Xiao Ming and I are good friend.We ofen read books and play games together.Xiao Ming is 12 years old,and I am 12 years old.But she heavier than me.She's 35 kilograms.I'am 32 kilograms.Xiao Ming is 1.41 meters.I'm 3 cm taller than Xiao Ming.I'm1.44 meters.We are classmates.We all like drawing.
We aregood friends!
修改后：
Xiao Ming and I are good friends. We ofen read books and play games together. Xiao Ming is 12 years old, and I am 12 years old, too. She is heavier than me. She's 35 kilograms, and I'm 32 kilograms. Xiao Ming is 1.41 meters. I'm 3 cm taller than Xiao Ming. We are classmates.We all like drawing.
修改教师：Andy老师
六年级:罗晶莹
写作思路解析
文章顺着行文脉络逐步铺陈内容，善于运用气势充沛的排比句式强化语言节奏搭建画面，画面层次丰富立体，远近动静相互搭配，空间感十足。行文节奏舒缓有度，结尾巧妙升华主旨，让整篇文章立意更为饱满。读者能够跟随文字走进作者构建的场景，真切感受到作者想要传递的思考，整体构思完整，文字表现力不俗。
本文范文仅作写作思路参考，请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。