Christmas in United States of AmericaSanta Claus was born in US in the 1860's he was named this as he had a white beard and a belly, so he was named Santa Claus as this was the Dutch word for St Nicholas, Sintaklaas. Although the Dutch had bought him with them in the 17th century, he did not become an important person at Christmas until the Novelist Washington Irving put him in a novel that he wrote in 1809. This first Santa Claus was still known as St. Nicholas, he did smoke a pipe, and fly around in a wagon without any reindeer, but he did not have his red suit or live at the North Pole, he did however bring presents to children every year.In 1863 He was given the name Santa Claus and bore the red suit, pipe, and his reindeer and sleigh.
写作思路解析
围绕主题娓娓道来,叙述完整流畅,依靠逻辑清晰的层层递进推进叙事深度传递真挚情绪,构思精巧别致,前后相互呼应,读完之后让人耐人回味。通读全文让人倍感舒心,不存在生硬刻意的表达。作者用心梳理行文主次,重点突出,牢牢紧扣中心,展现出良好的文字组织能力。
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作文打分:84分(满分100)
作文优点
★中心观点贯穿全文,前后内容相互呼应,主题辨识度高。叙事完整充实,不会出现内容单薄、篇幅不足的问题。
综合点评
◆作者拥有不错的观察能力,善于记录亲身经历,素材充满生活气息。叙事完整通顺,语句流畅。段落之间过渡方式单一,多处依靠直白连接词,文字流畅度还有优化空间。
改进建议
↓重点场景放慢节奏细致刻画,次要内容简要带过,强化主次区分。练习辩证思考,多角度看待事件,拓展立意深度。
存在不足
!习惯使用短句平铺陈述,长短句搭配不足,行文缺少韵律感。重点情节没有放慢节奏细致刻画,一笔带过十分可惜。