Qing Road, Red Lake, thin obsession flower, suddenly look back, suddenly dream in vain, glabella sorrow to melancholy, drunk, suddenly tears have been drained, blood stained fur Daming Lake, journeying to wait, suddenly has static ice, peach blossoms still depart empty look and asked Jun know, suddenly it has mingled, spirits burning throat a piece of smoke dust, frost falling hair, suddenly day has micro light, into involuntary again Ningmou, suddenly the flower has been falling, muddling along today don't sand skeleton, suddenly have been cut off, the life and death of nostalgic where return, cavalry POU, suddenly night has low sigh, urging, Mr. Dou Kou stone painting, piano solo and suddenly you have to go ahead and the to the left Mancheng rain.
五年级:杨桂欣
写作思路解析
全文风格统一协调，前后表达基调保持一致，借助脉络清晰的双线叙事丰富故事结构持续强化文章特色，语言简约却意蕴悠长，简短表述之下藏着丰富的内在含义。文风前后统一，不会出现割裂感。个人写作风格鲜明，辨识度高。
本文范文仅作写作思路参考，请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。
作文打分：89分（满分100）
作文优点
★中心主题贯穿全文，素材安排始终服务核心立意。叙事平稳有序，没有逻辑混乱、前后矛盾的问题。
综合点评
◆习作体量充足，素材支撑有力，阅读流畅。详略规划不够合理，重点情节一笔带过，次要内容过度展开，主次区分不明显。
改进建议
↓调整开篇结构，精简前期铺垫，加快进入主题的速度。对于重要想法充分展开阐述，不要浅尝辄止。练习多角度挖掘素材，寻找新颖写作切入点，跳出常规范文模板，打造独属于自己的文字风格。
存在不足
!文章详略意识不足，所有内容平均用力，主次难以区分。过渡方式单一，上下文跳转存在割裂感。