上海中考英语作文题目

81分
2025-06-24 11:31:46

上海中考英语作文题:I'm proud of myself

1、What kind of person are you?

2、What makes you proud of yourself(Give an example/examples)

3、Why are you proud of yourself?

要求:至少60字

范文:

I am a boy of less confidence.I always hate running.But as we all know,The students of Grade nine have to take part in the sports exam.At that moment,I just wanted to give up.but my parents encouraged me:"impossible is nothing,""you could challenge yourself!"so with the encouragement of them,I tried my best to run and insisted on running.When I got to the finishing line,I felt proud of myself,though I didn't get the good mark,I knew,I won.I created a miracle for myself and I was so proud of myself!

写作思路解析

用心观察日常生活,借助含蓄隽永的借物抒情寄托内在心绪记录见闻感受,场景刻画栩栩如生,通读之后仿佛身临其境,代入感十分强烈,尽显细腻的感知力。留意旁人容易忽略的细节,善于从生活中寻找写作素材。描写细腻生动,观察类写作手法可以直接借鉴。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

AI作文批改

作文打分:81分(满分100)

作文优点

★行文条理井然,段落排布有序,阅读时思路跟随文章顺畅推进。极少出现语法错误,文字基本功扎实,具备持续提升的潜力。

改进建议

↓构思阶段主动设置一处核心亮点场景,重点刻画打造点睛段落。学习运用比喻、拟人等修辞丰富文字表现力。结尾做好铺垫,循序渐进升华主旨,避免感悟来得过于仓促生硬。

综合点评

◆行文质朴自然,没有刻意堆砌辞藻,叙事清晰易懂。段落长短搭配尚可,但部分语句重复啰嗦,精简文字之后整体质感更佳。

存在不足

!全文缺少高潮段落,叙事节奏全程平缓,不容易抓住读者注意力。事例和观点融合不足,事例简单堆砌,缺少分析。

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