关于梦想的英语作文

87分
2025-06-13 14:13:46

I have a dream

    Everyone may have his own dream. Someone may want to be rich, someone may want to be beautiful, and someone may want to have power. But I’m different from them. My dream is special. I want to have a pair of wings. Because I want to fly in the sky,I like the feeling of freedom.

    If I have a pair of wings,I’m sure it will be very wonderful. I can fly below the blue sky with the birds. I can enjoy the music of birds’. I can fly across the cloud and the small wind will blow past my face. The feeling must be the same as that my mother caresses me.

    I can fly over the sea, below the rainbow, through the forest I can see all the wonderful view. But I know that it will never be uteri have another instead. I want to have a fly of my own. The plane must be very  small and light. It has to carry only one person. It can fly by wind or sunshine. It can fly for a very long time. And the important thing is that it must be very save.

    I’m sure I can have this plane some day. And I can have fly to everywhere I want.

写作思路解析

节奏把控优秀,利用条理分明的总分结构梳理行文脉络调剂行文,篇章浑然自成一体,段落衔接无痕,整体观感和谐统一,阅读全程不会感到枯燥乏味。叙事松紧错落有致,避免通篇平铺直叙。兼顾事件叙述与内心感悟,阅读体验轻松舒适,适合日常写作参考。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

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作文打分:87分(满分100)

存在不足

!感悟集中堆砌在结尾,没有穿插在叙事当中,叙事与抒情割裂。缺少伏笔铺垫,前后内容关联性不强。

作文优点

主题把控能力突出,所有素材都服务于中心立意,不存在无关段落。叙事完整,起因、经过、结果交代清楚,框架规范,是一篇合格规范的习作。

综合点评

文章整体行文流畅自然,选材贴近日常现实生活,能够围绕中心主题有序展开叙述,叙事节奏比较平稳。文中拥有多处细节描写,能够较好烘托场景氛围,情感表达真挚朴素,读者可以轻松读懂文章想要传递的思想,整体结构完整,可读性较强。

改进建议

多积累个性化素材,避开通用范文事例。行文有意识变换句式,长短句交替。挖掘事件内在价值,写出独属于自己的思考,提升文章辨识度。

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