高中英语作文我的梦想

88分
2025-11-22 18:34:39

高中英语作文我的梦想

When I was a naughty boy, may be because of the influence of the film."Xiao Bing Zhang Ga",my dream was to be a soldier just like Zhang Ga. I thought if I was a soldier, I should be able to swim, dive and climb trees as he did. It seemed to be very wonderful. So I began to learn swimming, diving and climbing trees. I practiced every day and finally I could do them well. But when I entered junior high school and had the military training. I suddenly found that being a soldier was very difficult and I wasn't strong enough to bear it . I had to give my dream up.

But I wasn't discouraged, and I had new aim, which was to be a postman, or rather to be a newspaper boy. As a newspaper boy. I could speed along streets on a bike and throw newspapers onto every porch. That's also very cool. So I started learning to ride a bicycle. After the everyday practice, I could go very fast by bicycle. But to my disappointment, the job which I wanted only existed in western counties not in China, because there was no porch in China. And Chinese postmen had to stuff very thick newspapers into very small mailboxes from very narrow entrances. The job was far from what I had expected. So once again my dream fell through.

Perhaps you have had the same experience as I and most of your dreams haven't come true yet. But I think it doesn't matter, because if you have a dream, you'll make many efforts to realize it. This course is really important. If I hadn't dreamt of being a soldier or a newspaper boy. I wouldn't have learned to swim, to dive, to climb trees or to ride a bicycle. Even if our dream can't come true, you'll learn much from the efforts you have made. So what I want to tell us is that dream helps us to grow up and teaches us how to control our lives . It is dream that gives us power and makes our lives colorful。

【高中英语作文我的梦想】

写作思路解析

结尾留白耐人寻味,依托反差强烈的反衬手法突出核心主体完成升华,叙事饱含真情实感,所有情绪源自真实体验,可信度极高。不把道理全盘说尽,留给读者充足思考空间。收尾高级克制,摆脱直白说教模式,有效提升文章格调。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

AI作文批改

作文打分:88分(满分100)

综合点评

◆文章素材选择贴合主题,内容真实接地气,叙事节奏舒缓,能够静下心来逐步推进情节。作者善于观察生活,把亲身经历转化为写作内容,情感流露自然,不刻意煽情。但部分段落表达偏平淡,缺少亮点句子,难以形成记忆点。

存在不足

!句式较为单一,长短句搭配不足,行文缺少节奏感。开篇铺垫过长,迟迟无法切入文章核心主题。

改进建议

↓尝试将内心感悟穿插在叙事当中,不要全部集中在结尾,做到边叙事边抒情。多观察身边独特小事,积累小众素材,摆脱千篇一律的写作内容。

作文优点

★拥有基础的详略意识,能够区分主次内容,重点情节适当展开。语句通顺,语病较少,整体行文干净清爽。

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