我的梦想高中英语优秀作文

84分
2025-11-22 18:34:21

我的梦想高中英语优秀作文

Last week, my cousin was back at home from his trip. He had been away for more than a month and he was a backpacker. I felt so envious, because he could live the life he wanted. I listened to him and was so attractive by the scenery he saw. The people he met also caught my attention. I made up my mind. When I earned money in the future, I would do the things as my cousin do now. So the first thing for me was to be more independent. I should learn to do the things by myself, such as cleaned my own stuff instead of asking my mother to wash. Secondly, I needed to study hard, so as to find a good job. I needed money to support my dream. I believe that I can realize my dream and live my own life.

上周,我表哥结束他的旅行回到家。他已经离开一个多月了,他是一个背包客。我很羡慕,因为他能过自己想要的生活。我听他讲述了一路上他见到的'风景,遇到的人,我都很感兴趣。我已经下定决心,等将来我赚了钱,我要做和我表哥一样。所以我要做的第一件事就是变得更加独立。我应该学会自己事情自己做,比如自己收拾自己的东西,而不是叫我妈妈帮洗。第二,我要努力学习,以便找到一份好工作,因为我需要钱来支持我的梦想。我相信我可以实现我的梦想,过我自己想过的生活。

【我的梦想高中英语优秀作文】

写作思路解析

语言风格清新简约,善用相得益彰的叙议结合提升文章厚度避免文字堆砌,构思完整首尾圆合,开头与结尾遥相呼应,结构闭环完整。行文干净清爽,拒绝繁杂修饰。用简洁文字表达完整想法,适合练习精简表达。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

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作文打分:84分(满分100)

综合点评

◆文章选材稳妥,能够围绕中心展开叙述,段落划分合理。行文节奏舒缓,适合记叙日常事件。缺少深度思考,感悟大多停留在表面,立意还有上升空间。

改进建议

↓写完之后自查全文,筛选冗余语句删除,精简篇幅。学习以小见大写作手法,从微小事件延伸深层感悟。均衡运用多种描写方式,不要单一依靠叙事推进内容。

作文优点

★素材丰富多元,不会局限于单一事例,多角度支撑中心观点。段落篇幅分配合理,不会出现头重脚轻的问题,结构观感均衡协调。

存在不足

!文章伏笔设置较少,前后内容缺少内在关联,整体性偏弱。对于人物内心活动描写不足,很难让读者共情人物情绪。

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