圣诞节英语作文:thelastdaysbeforeChristm

88分
2025-11-04 15:40:16

圣诞节英语作文:the last days before Christmas

It was one of the last days before Christmas, and the as sistants in the large store had their hands full serving eager Christmas shoppers.

At one counter an old lady was choosing gloves red ones for her daugher in law, light blue ones for her niece, pink ones for her grand daughter, green ones for her sister and by the time she had found what she wanted, the counter was covered with pairs of all colors and sizes.

When the salesgirl had finally written out the bill and was about to turn to the next customer with a tired voice. "Thank you very much, madam," the old lady suddenly cried out, "Oh, I almost forgot..."——"Anything else, madam?" said the girl, "Yes," began the old lady, "I'd like to buy another pair, but I' m not quite sure about what exactly I should cloose. I wonder if you could help me." "Certainly, madam", was the girl's reply. The old lady then went on to explain that what she was looking for was a pair of gloves for a girl of her age. She was not at ail sure what color to choose, and the design was a problem too.

The tired girl did her best to help the old lady make up her mind, showing her ail kinds of gloves.

At last the chosen pair of gloves were wrapped up and paid for as well, and as the girl was about to turn to the next customer, the old lady handed her a little parcel and said, "These now, dear, these are for you and thank you for being so patient. I do hope you have a merry Christmas !"

【圣诞节英语作文:the last days before Christmas】

写作思路解析

落笔满怀真诚,以形象贴切的比喻修辞增强画面观感搭建文章骨架,构思完整首尾圆合,开头与结尾遥相呼应,结构闭环完整,字里行间洋溢少年意气。文字鲜活富有朝气,视角纯粹简单。叙事感染力强,情感热烈真挚,非常适合同龄读者参考学习。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

AI作文批改

作文打分:88分(满分100)

作文优点

★首尾呼应结构运用得当,开头引出主题,结尾收束全文,文章完整性很强。语句通顺,语病极少,叙事条理清楚,可以完整讲清事件脉络,拥有良好的文字表达基础。

存在不足

!立意方向不错,但挖掘深度不足,停留在表层叙事。缺少一处有冲击力的核心场景作为全文亮点,整篇文章没有记忆中心点。

综合点评

◆素材丰富多样,不局限于单一事例支撑观点,内容更加丰满。语句通顺,语病少见。行文缺少点睛段落,全篇没有记忆点突出的句子,读完之后印象不够深刻。

改进建议

↓优化段落过渡方式,可以借助景物、情绪自然衔接上下文,减少生硬跳转。叙事完成之后预留篇幅进行深度思考,结合事件抒发个人感悟,拔高文章立意,让文章不止停留在讲故事层面。

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