theinitialdream高三作文

88分
2025-10-27 16:03:51

the initial dream高三作文

Looking at the stars of today, who will think of the old customs, once upon a time, we are in front of many people, after many years, experienced difficulties, you will find that the fall in the time of not only the time like running water, and disappointments, and uncertainty about the future.

You in the distance, for the initial dream, those blue color or black and white, there it and can“t touch.

Here I am, bound to enjoy a person“s thoughts, a person suffering, a person“s flustered, this world is perfect, but I have too much is not perfect, so, make the aversion and regret, panic and anxiety, whenever the dead of night, only the text in the wanton revelry, gently touching, have your story, my fairy tale, with our world, all in my words, the brain, the role of conversion, lights dim, the sad, out of the window bed cry, my hands began to tremble, so lonely met lonely empty words, unable to determine their own position, swung, put all the time, finally, scattering.

In fact everyone and the rest of us, always walk in the road.

Across the world of mortals, slightly with happiness, and ten million kinds of sadness.

Cause, you are in, out, you“re not here.

On the edge of the road, I have your casual meet, meet in the lace.

Because past decree by destiny, will meet in this life, because this life love, to have the opportunity to grow together.

And meet, murphy in the bustling crowd, pull the line of sight of you to my heart, my hands to have the door, you are selfish, but I have to do so, I only want to deeply rooted in your castle, watching silently years of popular system.

【the initial dream高三作文】

写作思路解析

开篇铺垫简洁有力,中段稳步推进,借助体验饱满的视听结合调动多重感知持续深化主旨,叙事留白恰到好处,不必事事写尽,给予读者想象空间。开头快速引入主题,主体不断拓展内容,结尾适时升华。文章结构稳固,层层递进,谋篇十分成熟。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

AI作文批改

作文打分:88分(满分100)

作文优点

叙事完整连贯,事件脉络清晰,善于借助环境烘托氛围。情感表达朴素真诚,没有刻意炫技,容易拉近和读者的距离。

改进建议

构思文章布局时增加小伏笔与前后呼应。学会多角度审视事件,拓展思考广度。集中笔墨打造一处高潮场景,打破平淡结构,加深读者印象。

存在不足

!存在多处概括性表述,缺少具象细节支撑。行文缺少亮点句子,通读之后很难留下深刻印象。

综合点评

作者拥有不错的观察能力,善于记录亲身经历,素材充满生活气息。叙事完整通顺,语句流畅。段落之间过渡方式单一,多处依靠直白连接词,文字流畅度还有优化空间。

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