LoveOurNature

80分
2025-09-23 11:10:22

Love Our Nature_热爱自然英语周记

Previously, I lived in the countryside where the sun always rose. Every morning, I got up early to see the sunrise. As the sun came out, trees, flowers, birds and other animals woke up from their long sleep and smiled gently towards the sun. “What a glorious view!” I whispered. But as I moved to the city, I could hardly see such a glorious view now. Nowadays, with the development of society, the living step is so fast that we are always so busy and we don't even have the time to take a breath. While in our free time, we can do nothing but play computer games. What a dull life it is! I eagerly want to return to our nature.

To make things worse, as a result of modernization, pollution is a serious problem. Nowadays we often breathe the dusty air and drink the dirty water. What's more, we always suffer from the noise and the heavy light pollution. I'm really tired of this life. I want to change it. If I have a chance, I will get up early to see the sunrise, in order to embrace our nature.

As far as I'm concerned, our nature is our mother. She offers us everything we want or need. If our nature disappears, human-beings will be in great danger. Therefore, we must love our nature unconditionally. Don't always ask too much from her but return her nothing. Moreover, as her sons and daughters, we should always appreciate for her bounty.

写作思路解析

叙事伴随持续思考,不单单记录事件,借助委婉含蓄的托物寄情传递所思所想延伸感悟,素材运用灵活恰当,素材与主题高度契合,不会强行堆砌,摆脱流水账弊病。做到记事加思考双重表达,不会单纯平铺直叙。有效提升文章深度,是优秀写作范本。

本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。

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作文打分:80分(满分100)

综合点评

选材新颖独特,跳出常规写作思路,视角有新意,能够从不一样的角度阐述想法。行文流畅,语句通顺,观点表达清楚。不足之处在于部分段落过渡略显生硬,段落之间缺少自然衔接,阅读时容易产生割裂感。

存在不足

!文章详略意识不足,所有内容平均用力,主次难以区分。过渡方式单一,上下文跳转存在割裂感。

改进建议

塑造人物时兼顾心理、神态、语言描写,丰富人物形象。叙事过程主动制造轻微情节起伏,摆脱全程平淡叙事。

作文优点

叙事视角统一,行文风格稳定,全文基调保持一致。善于从小角度切入主题,以小见大,从日常小事挖掘内在感悟,构思思路务实,容易引发读者共鸣。

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