One Satursday morning, Li Ming and his grandpa were feeding the bird in the cage. The bird was unhappy though it had enough feed and water, Li Ming did not know why. The next morning on his way to Li Ming saw some birds flying in the sky. Then be thought of the lonely bird in ghe cage, He decided to permade his grandpa to set the bird free.When he got home, he said to his grandp,“Birds are friends!” To his delight, his grandpa agreed. TheThe bird was set free. Grandpa and the children were very happy to see the bird flying away into the sky.
写作思路解析
素材取舍十分明智，无关内容一笔带过，集中笔墨运用形象贴切的比喻修辞增强画面观感刻画重点，情感厚重内敛真挚，不刻意张扬，力量藏于文字深处。详略把控到位，重点突出。不会面面俱到导致内容松散，谋篇思路清晰。
本文范文仅作写作思路参考，请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。
AI作文批改
作文打分：77分（满分100）
存在不足
部分地方过渡依赖直白连接词，缺少情景自然过渡。素材选择稳妥保守，容易和普通习作内容雷同，辨识度不高。
改进建议
描写场景拒绝笼统概括，尽量还原具体动作、环境细节。写作过程把控节奏，避免部分段落过度拖沓。
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作文优点
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