阳光普照着大地
我踩在绿色的海洋上
蓝天下一片宁静
只听见远方马儿的嘶鸣
和近处花儿的舞动
阳光明亮
它融化羊群的洁白
和牧人的身影
我深深地醉了
黑夜笼罩着大地
我躺在绿色的海洋上
月光下一片静谧
只听到远处虫儿的低吟
和身边爸爸的鼾声
黑夜
用他黑色的画笔
涂满天空
然后点亮漫天的星光
我沉沉地睡了
Sunlight covered the earth
I landed on the sea of green smooth grasses
The blue sky was so quiet
That I could only hear the sounds of the horses’ neigh
and the dances of the flowers
The sunlight was so bright
That the white sheep became invisible
without the shepherd
I was drunk deeply
Darkness covered the earth
I lied on the sea of green soft grasses
The moonlight was so quiet
That I could only hear the bugs singing
And daddy snoring
The night
Using its dark brushes
painted the full sky
and turned on the star lights
I fell asleep deeply
老师点评:印度作家泰戈尔曾说:“歌声在空中感到无限,图画在地上感到无限。诗呢,无论在空中、在地上都是如此。”天苍苍,野茫茫,风吹草低见牛羊……草原在小作者的笔下给人以无限空间和意象,读起来如身临其境,让人流连忘返。
写作思路解析
语言简洁清爽,依靠富有情趣的拟人修辞赋予事物灵气传递心绪,叙述流畅富有节奏,快慢错落有致,阅读不会产生疲惫感,不存在多余累赘语句。剔除冗余表述,行文凝练干净。每一段都具备相应作用,文字把控能力优秀,值得学习精简表达。
本文范文仅作写作思路参考,请勿直接照搬抄袭用于作业投稿。